Shame And Sexualization Of Public Breastfeeding
Does seeing a woman breastfeed stimulate people sexually?
Oh, I'm sure it does, I think some people do get sexually turned on by watching women nurse in public. But maybe it's more of a sensual feeling than a sexual feeling. For some men it might be more of a "Wow, that's cool, that's terrific." I suppose it's possible. I don't hear about it, but maybe they don't tell me, but I don't hear about it.
Is breastfeeding perceived as a sexual act?
I think many people perceive breastfeeding as a sexual act, but mothers often say interesting things. You will say, "Let me lower the shade before we have you bare your breast for nursing", and she said, "Oh, it doesn't matter to me. They aren't about that anymore. They are just for feeding the babies." To a mom it takes it out of that sexual place. It is a multi functional thing. These breasts are for lots of purposes, and moms seem to understand that when they get into it. But, a lot of people don't. I think it makes it more difficult. There have actually been a few cases where for some women when they breastfeed it is actually pleasant, sexually. A couple of mothers had admitted that and actually went to court, and their baby was taken away. They were thought of as a sexual deviate and they were an unfit mother. I think each woman has to explore her own comfort level with the people around her. For instance, some women are just at ease nursing in front of their fathers and their father-in-law. Recently, we had a woman, a very well educated couple, but the father-in-law who was a physician, said, "Not in my house. Not in front of me. Never, never." And the woman did respect that. It was not her father. It was her father-in-law. She just respected it and said, "Then, you won't be able to see us very often. So, I am sorry you feel that way, but that's how it is." There are some people with their backgrounds just can't handle it.
Are breasts just good for sex?
They're secretary glands. I would think that the physiology behind it, I mean, they were meant to feed your child. And meant to get you pregnant so you could feed your child. Exactly. I know not all women are sexually aroused by having their nipples stimulated, but many women are. I guess an individual thing. Certainly, the breast is highly innervated on purpose with nerves, blood. So when the baby does go to breast, the hormones are secreted and lactation proceeds. And we make milk in response to the suckling of the child, so it isn't an automatic thing. If you don't use them, they're going to dry up and you're not going to have a good milk supply. So that baby coming to the breast, releasing not only the oxytocin, but another hormone called prolactin that makes us actually produce the milk. It's a very active gland. You have to tell it what you want it to do as far as milk production is concerned.
Why do some people feel shame when they see a woman breastfeeding?
For me it would be the same as seeing a naked person on the beach. I'm not used to that. So if I lived in a culture where you saw that all the time it wouldn't mean a thing to you. But that's not how I was raised. It's not culturally normal for me to see people's genitals, people's bare breasts so I would turn away out of cultural training to turn away. I don't want to see that. And so I think that that might be a reaction in breast feeding as well. It's the way we were culturally educated. I think a lot has to do with how you were raised. As a very young child, if you're just taught that public exposure is disgusting, this isn't something that's done, if you're going to do it, you do it behind closed doors. And those messages are pretty powerful, if they're given at a young age and given often.
How can we change people's minds about the sexualization of breastfeeding?
I think the more women that breastfeed in public the more comfortable that we're going to be. If you go to a country like Sweden where 98% of the population breastfeed, no one thinks twice. It's just, "Of course you're feeding your baby."Absolutely, yeah, in pockets
What should we think when we see a breastfeeding mother?
That she is doing the best thing for herself and her baby. Amen. Good for her.
Should a mother use a blanket to cover up while breastfeeding?
Covering yourself up when you breast-feed in public, I think that is just a really personal choice. I think that there are a number of women who choose to do that for their own self. They are little shy. I think there are women who would just as soon not cover up, but they sense that the people around them are uncomfortable, and so they will cover up And there are some women who will say, the hell with it. I am feeding my baby. Rough break. Deal. Deal with it. And they say that to each other in the class. I just don't care and I nurse anywhere I want. Rough break, I do not care. And others that go, it just depends on where I am. I had a mom who felt that way, but she was a musician and she had to go to meetings, and they were all men. So she did take this little cover-up that we sell a lot of. A lot of women will carry this kind of a little thing in their bag so that they have the option. It depends on where they are and what they are doing. And if they need to exercise that option, they will pull their little discrete cover-up out of their bag and put it on. Otherwise they are just nursing. And they love certain tops. Our most popular selling top is a camisole that is done for nursing. Because then not only do you pull down a flat, but there is a banding here that makes you covered right here. But you are covered clear to your waist, where when I was a nursing, I had to pull everything up, so my whole backside was open. And that was not very comfortable. It was kind of cold and breezy. But it was also like, she is nursing, she is nursing, she is nursing. So I love the stuff that are available to moms today. Because they nurse without a cover up and still be somewhat discreet, and they are just loving it. But occasionally, I am always taken aback. We will have a mom at the pump station at the group, who is covered up. And I just figure, well she needs to do that. And that is fine. And there are some cultures that prefer not to have their breasts showing. So I think we have to be respectful. We have learned a lot about cultural differences and what is normal for them and what is not. So, we have to learn more about that, and be respectful of that.
Has shame driven more women to use formula when they're in public?
I don't certainly think that shame is one of the leading reasons why women either choose not to breast feed or abandon breast feeding. But there certainly have been some that said I wouldn't be able to do this. It just won't work for my life. And it may be that they're worried about that. I mean there have been some psychologists talk about the fact that women who were abused, women who may have a tie up a little bit into the sexuality of their breasts and having someone suckle on them. So there certainly are some psychological pieces to this, but where we are, we don't hear that terribly often but we certainly, I certainly think it's real. Teenagers! Imagine, going back to school and having leaking breasts and a baby to pump for. That has to be tied up for them, I don't know if the word is shame but certainly, it could be.
Do you think covering up while breastfeeding encourages shame?
I'm sure that some people would state that if I cover up I'm just perpetuating that you can't breastfeed in public, you shouldn't breast feed in public. Just the act of covering up is saying that this is something that shouldn't been seen and something I shouldn't be doing. But then it is also a more gentle way to get it out there. It's also that we're from our own culture. We're also raised with the idea that breasts are not just flashed out for the world to see. For me the comfort level was at times - it was really not my goal to show people my nipple. It was OK for them to see the part of my breasts that I am happy to show when I am wearing a low cut dress but not the rest. That was where I was. Am I different now? If my baby had pulled off and my nipple had shown I would not at this point be embarrassed particularly. I would cover myself back up. It's our cultural thing and for me it doesn't perpetuate shame but I am excited about the women who are saying, "You know what, I am going to nurse anywhere I want to", and as a matter of fact I did.
Are there people I should never breastfeed around?
I think the only one I mentioned before was someone who is so elitist that they state that they just cant stand it that they do not want to be around it then I would probably respect that. Can you think of anybody else Wendy?(Wendy) I think if it a woman is feeling certainly physically straightend in an environment, she is going to be obviously over protective of her child. If a woman is feeling elitist or upset hormonally is not going to functional as well cazactetosun production will be inhibited. I think her baby certainly picked up on that. On that point in my way of thinking it, it is better to pack up and go some place else and feed your baby coz your baby can wait it and understand. This is not the time to make a political time and just go some place else and feed your baby.